"Develop a negative into a positive picture... Change it comes eventually"
As I've mentioned in previous blogs (what do you mean, you haven't read them? Get to it!! This will all make far more sense once you've seen the background) I've had a brush with mental health issues recently. Well, that's a bit of an understatement really, I had a nervous breakdown which resulted in a 3 week vacation in the local mental health ward in late September/early October. Don't go feeling all sorry for me though, because it turns out it was the best thing that could have happened, and it's resulted in my life being exactly what I always wanted it to be - happy!! When I was 17 <ahem> 18, I worked in a pub in Rochdale called Madison Square where there was a video jukebox and this was our favourite song. It will always be a connection between myself and two of my oldest (as in long-standing, they're not that old!) friends. It was only recently that I remembered the much beloved Robin Williams was in the video <3
While I was in the hospital I learnt a lot of coping mechanisms for dealing with day to day life. The stuff we take for granted when everything's going ok - excessive noise, aggressive behaviour, too much stress, people telling us their problems... We all handle these perfectly well, until we just... lose the ability to deal with them. The good news is, if any of this is applying to you, then you haven't actually lost the ability to deal with it, you've just temporarily misplaced it. Hopefully, my story will help you to find it - as my kids always say, if you can't find something, ask Mum to have a "Mum Look"!
The main thing that saved me during that crazy time, was my music. I listened to it all the time, with my headphones in, concentrating on the lyrics and making up imaginary videos in my head. Like the videos on MTV, but I got to direct them myself, and a lot of them involved me. They were great videos! Remember what I said in another post about daydreaming? This is daydreaming at it's finest! Having my headphones in, and eyes closed was a perfect way to cut myself off from the chaos that sometimes happened, and that meant I was far less likely to be adversely affected than if I'd been watching and hearing what was going on.
When I was in a particularly bad way, like the time it kicked off in the canteen and there was a lot of shouting (which I obviously ended up in as well, I never could keep my mouth shut if someone was getting on my last nerve!) I'd plug in my headphones and pump up the volume (yes I can say that, I was clubbing in the 80s!) That particular day I took my plate off to my room and it was a "full volume" episode. It turned out I couldn't eat, so I stood at my window and sang at the top of my voice (getting the aggression and anger out), beat my fists on the windowsill as though it was a drum kit, (thanks Dad for always drumming on the steering wheel, I learnt that from you!), and stamping my feet in a marching fashion.
I don't remember what the first song in that day's shuffle was, but I do remember I Am the Resurrection
"Down, down, you bring me down,
I hear you knocking down my door and I can't sleep at night.
Your face it has no place, no room for you inside my house I need to be alone.
Don't waste your words I don't need anything from you.
I don't care where you've been or what you plan to do...."
There couldn't have been more perfect lyrics for that situation! There was also a separate incident where that song arrived at exactly the moment another patient was loudly proclaiming to anyone who'd listen, that he was indeed "our lord Jesus Christ" - and I'm not even joking!!
That was followed by the Arctic Monkeys, who are always good for an aggressive shouty sing along. Perfect timing on my shuffle's part again - seems that I don't even need to ask Kev to send me a decent shuffle any more, he's just carried on sending exactly the right song at exactly the right time, every time! (If you don't yet know the story of Kev then you'll more than likely stumble across it some time soon if you decide to stick around!)
There were other times when I was feeling particularly lost or sad, and I'd put my shuffle on and there'd be something like The Stops by Elbow
"I can't undo the day
It won't go, won't go under the rug
I pull all the stops
And you, you pull the plug...
(Don't look down)Keep staring like you've never seen the stars
(Don't look down)If you need me to remind you who you are"
We had some really clear nights during my stay in hospital, and when they took us out to smoke at night I'd always look up. It was a way to stay connected to the outside world, even while I was feeling as though I was completely alone while I was going through what really felt like hell some days.
Thank you to all the artists who helped pull me through that stage of my life!!
I saw a video a while ago, and it really got me thinking. Have a look and then I'll let you have a wander around my mind and share my thoughts with you.
Thank you to all the artists who helped pull me through that stage of my life!!
I saw a video a while ago, and it really got me thinking. Have a look and then I'll let you have a wander around my mind and share my thoughts with you.
Doesn't that blow your mind a little bit? Realising just how tiny we are in the Universe?
A few years ago - actually, quite a long time ago now I come to think of it! - I watched Men in Black with my ex and my eldest daughter. That pendant on Orion's collar has popped into my head quite a few times over the years, and it's often struck me that when you zoom out like that, we're not even visible. At the same time, scientists are working on atoms and protons and whatever other tiny things they can find, but can only look at through super duper microscopes.
So when I thought about it, I started to realise that there was a mini universe inside me. That's a bit of an unsettling thought at first, imagining a whole colony of bacteria who could be living their lives thinking that they're in charge of themselves, going around day to day like we do, with no thought that something else might be depending on us to keep it healthy.
Those bacteria in our guts probably think they're doing a brilliant job every day, and then one day, one of them starts slacking. A couple of the others notice old lazy bones getting away with skiving off, and they decide to skive off too. Before you know it, most of the workforce is sitting in the canteen reading their newspapers, and you're in the bathroom wondering what the heck you've eaten to make you so ill!!
A few months ago, I came across the Resonance Project and Nassim Haramein, and in particular, this film they're making called The Connected Universe. That link will take you to their Indigogo page, please do have a look at it, and in particular the video. I don't have the spare funds at the moment to contribute any further, but I hope you'll agree that it looks like a real groundbreaking piece of filmography.
That film, along with the Tom Shadyac film, I Am, (what do you mean you haven't seen it yet?? How do you expect to keep up with the class if you don't do your homework? Haha!! I promise it's not the usual boring homework that you'll wish your dog would eat, it's a really great film that will change your life. Not exactly on a par with learning about the Industrial Revolution from a boring text book is it? Now go, shoo, watch the film and then come back) gives so much scientific credence to what I've been trying to get my head around and explain just lately, that it just can't be denied now. Everything is connected. Everything, is everything!
In I Am, Tom Shadyac is in the same room as a petrie dish full of yoghurt. He's not connected to it in any physical way, and there are electrodes in the yoghurt leading to some sort of electrical meter. When Tom mentions calling his lawyer, the meter shoots over to the end! It's connected to yoghurt. Everything is connected. There's a lot of science in there about the heart as well, and we've been wrong for a very long time in thinking that our brains are where the information is processed. The brain actually receives many times more signals from the body than it sends to the body. Our brains don't control us after all. Our hearts do - and there's scientific evidence. I found this clip on YouTube, it's incredible!
Another thing they talk about is human DNA. Let's go back to that zoom in/zoom out concept. At the moment, there's a lot of racism around, complaints about "bloody foreigners coming in and stealing our jobs and blocking up the M4", lots of talk about the police and the situation with black men in particular in America, all the anti-Muslim propaganda that's going around... the list goes on and on, whether it be racism, religious hatred, whatever. People are so busy seeing the differences between themselves and others, that they're completely oblivious to the fact that we all have the same type of DNA. On a cellular level, we're all made from exactly the same ingredients. OK, so your chicken tikka masala might look a bit different from mine, and it might even taste a bit different, but we both used the same ingredients to make each of our dishes.
This is exactly the same with humans. The film goes into far more detail, but honestly, everything is connected. There's just no denying it any longer. Just a few hundred years ago, science was sure that the earth was flat... This new leap in science tells us that we're actually living in an illusion of our own making. Every one of us has the power to close down the matrix and switch off the illusion, but until we all realise our own power, we can't realise the new reality.
I'm fully aware of how crazy that sounds. Trust me, I've been living with this information for a while now, but finally I've found the science to back me up. Whenever I've tried to explain it before, I've floundered when faced with "common sense" and logic. It's really hard to explain my way of thinking when
I'm so far outside of the box that people can't quite see me properly. Now science has come to my rescue, and for that, I'm very grateful!!
In fact, I've spent so long ruminating about this that I can bring it back to every day life now. This morning, someone posted a link on Facebook to Russell Brand interviewing a Quantum Physicist called John Hagelin, and a friend of mine commented saying she owed Mr Brand an apology for her previous opinion against him. This video was recorded in 2011, and obviously @rustyrockets has evolved quite a bit since then, and yet he takes more flack now than he ever has before.
It's all about perceptions.
I can also think of another public figure who has a pretty bad reputation, and that Facebook conversation prompted me back to this half-written and as yet unpublished blog that I started writing on New Years Day 2015 (this one I mean, I haven't forgotten to add a link, I mean the one you're currently reading!)..
In 2012, my then 16 year old daughter was one of 13 finalists chosen from over 3,000 inspirational teenagers in the BBC Teen Hero Awards, and those 13 were in line for one of 3 awards. You can read more of the story in this blog about I Am, but I wanted to give a little more insight into the Justin Bieber aspect of it. He's been in the headlines more and more over the last couple of years, but the tale behind this performance shows a side to him that doesn't generally hit the media.
Now, I know he's made some mistakes, he's always ridiculously late for concerts, and that day in Maida Vale was no different, but can we all just take a step back and remember how young he is please? How did you behave at his age? Did you work so many hours that when you had time to let your hair down with friends you might have got a bit carried away and been late for work once in a while?
I'm not excusing his behaviour entirely - I genuinely believe that when you're performing for a few thousand school children you should make sure you start and finish on time because chances are they've travelled a really long way to see you and need to be up early in the morning. Similarly, if you've smoked a load of pot, then you shouldn't be driving, and when you're such an influential figure in so many young lives, you should be thinking more about the message you're sending out.... but let's get back to reality here.
Justin Bieber isn't even 21 yet. He was 18 when this video was made, and 16 when his first album was released. He's still a kid. Can we just think back to some of the utterly stupid things we did at those ages - and then be grateful that we didn't have the world's media watching our every move. It works for me, I did some really stupid (and many absolutely hilarious!) things in those years, and making mistakes is all part of the learning curve.
This song, performed on that day, is beautiful. Take away all the awful post-production sound effects, and the boy really can sing, and this acoustic version is stunning in my humble opinion. I believe he writes his own lyrics as well, but I'm sure if I'm wrong someone will be along shortly to let me know about it! Em's in the video, as is another young finalist Jessica Robson, who sadly lost her battle against cancer in 2014 - but her determination lives on and I know that a lot of money has been raised in her memory.
There were some truly inspirational teenagers in the Maida Vale studios that day, and in my opinion, the teenager who was discovered on YouTube after uploading videos of himself singing, is one of them.
That Facebook conversation, and the stories behind it, have made me wonder how many other people are being unfairly judged because of one aspect of their character. I ended up getting quite carried away, so rather than writing at length about them I've decided to start a list of sorts. I'd love to know if you've discovered something about someone recently that's changed your opinion of them!
- Mel Gibson has done many more things than shouting anti semitic abuse at someone. Why is that the first thing that springs to mind when his name is mentioned now?
- Russell Brand is being a bit loud and shouty for lots of really good reasons. Have you listened to what he's actually saying, or have you switched off because "he gets on your nerves"? Or are you still judging him as a drug addict, even though he's been clean for 10 years or more?
- Jodi Marsh was badly bullied at school, leaving her with low self esteem that she attempted to bolster by having extensive plastic surgery and breast implants. She's now a very vocal and successful campaigner for anti-bullying and works closely with the Diana.org in training children to become Anti Bullying Ambassadors. Are you still judging her for her tattoos/bodybuilding/glamour modelling/Celebrity Big Brother?
- Clint Eastwood - this one's personal to me. I have no idea why he's always made my top lip curl as though someone stuck sour milk under Elvis's nose, but he does. A few years ago we went to Eurodisney and had booked "allocation on arrival" accommodation. Imagine my horror when we ended up in the Wild Wild West hotel, complete with a HUGE billboard with a HUGE picture of his face on it. Ugh! However, I've found out today that he's a big fan of Transcendental Meditation, so now I'm going to try harder to get rid of my unreasonable preconceptions about him.
I've been practicing TM on and off for just over a month now, and it's everything it's purported to be and more. Watching the full version of the David Lynch Foundation event that Russell Brand took part in has just reinforced all the positive thoughts I already had about it.
The evidence from schools in Los Angeles about the difference 20 minutes "Quiet Time" has made, is truly amazing. Huge decreases in student violence, suspensions, truancy, and incredible advances made in overall success and qualifications, as well as a marked increase in the number of pupils going on to further education - and not only that, but a good number of those going to some of the best schools around, some on full 4 year scholarships. Not bad from a school with a previous track record of being the worst in the county! If you're interested in the effect meditation has had in the educational system, there's a 7 minute clip here:
David Lynch (yes, he of Twin Peaks fame) quotes Maharishi Mahesh Yogi as saying "Water the root and enjoy the fruit". This is a perfect analogy for meditation. Go right into the root of your being, your soul. It connects us to Unity Consciousness, and that's where the knowledge of the whole universe resides.
This time last year I had just become a Grandma (well actually, it's Meemaw, and he's my little Moonpie!), I had just been promoted from Receptionist and Sales Administrator to the Northern area sales rep for the company I'd been employed by for 7 years, and I had no outstanding educational qualifications.
Today, I'm still a Meemaw, and I no longer work for anybody except myself. I spend my time writing, meditating, volunteering, and having fun with my family and friends. I'm happier than I've been in my entire life, even though things aren't absolutely perfect (yet!), and one of my pet subjects is Quantum Theory.... How on earth did I get to here in a year?? Well, to paraphrase the late great Roy Castle;
"Meditation. Meditation. Meditation, that's all you need"
I don't necessarily want to be the best, or beat the rest, but meditation is all I need. It's allowed me to let go of the things that don't serve me (such as worries over things I cannot control, and old thinking patterns that were standing in my way), and to tap into the creativity that I'd forgotten I even possessed. I've spent years lamenting the fact that "I'm not creative in the slightest", and now here I am with my own blog that I'm adding to regularly (I've never been one for keeping a diary) and not only that, but I have such huge plans for it that I'm going to need a bigger boat... erm... I mean I'm going to need a website! So, if any reader can get their head around this idea, and has the know-how to build a website with the capability to handle what I'm asking for, I'd really love to hear from you! There's no money in it for you as yet, but I can see huge things for this... let me know if you agree!!
I've started writing my book this week. It's not the book I thought I'd write first, but it's actually much better than that plan! It's going to be the cornerstone for this blog, and the whole package is going to be my very own Quantum Experiment. Just a warning, I have no idea whether I can even explain this on here without giving TOO much away, but I'm about to try, starting..... now!
- There will be no Index page on the website, just a "Lucky Dip".
- New readers will be directed to one of my blog pages, completely at random.
- Most of those blogs have several links to other blogs within the body of the writing, and the reader can decide which of those links to follow (if any!)
- Some of the links within the blogs will take you to external sites.
- It'll be an ever expanding rabbit warren that will link to other sites and blogs that are relevant to the subject at hand.
- I'll blog about my local community and encourage readers to reply with similar stories in their own area, thereby creating a home for community inspiration so that we can all begin the process of reconnecting.
- The website will build into a bigger and bigger rabbit warren, in which it's possible to get completely lost for days at a time (consider this fair warning!)
- The book will be the first quantum book of it's kind (to my current knowledge!) and my aim is for it to become far more than just an outlet for Opinionated Me.
- I'd really like to call it Enigma 2.0, because it's going to help you to crack codes and find your way around the website. It'll be a book of clues, which can be used to build your own personal treasure map... This is a huge idea, but the working title for now at least, is "
MYYOUR LITTLE BOOK OF LOVE" - The Quantum Experiment part of it is that I believe the reader will be guided around the blog entries in a way that will make the story flow perfectly for them, or at least impart information and opinion just as it's needed or desired. I believe that occasional readers will be able to dip in and out, and always find something that's relevant to them at the time they find it.
And I'll be relying on feedback from you, my Dear Readers (and Dear Friends!) to let me know whether this is actually the case. I'm incredibly excited about this, and I have no idea whether this short list even conveys just how huge it could become - or even how good an idea it is! I'd also request that if you click on any links and find them helpful, that you leave a comment on their site letting them know how you found them. I like the "pay it forward" movement, and this is my way of providing free advertisement for the things I believe in. If we all did that, nobody would need to pay for advertising ever again if they were offering value for money. Obviously it works back for my site as well, because it might bring in a new reader... everybody wins!
For someone who gets so hyper about good ideas, I also somehow manage to totally understate things sometimes, and I suspect this is one of those times. As Ms Lauryn Hill said in Final Hour, "I treat this like my thesis" (not to mention, "You can get the money, you can get the power"), and it's going to take me quite some time to get everything written down. However, I'm going to leave it like this, and feel a little bit smug because I've told you only a tiny bit of what I actually have planned. This plan is so incredibly detailed and far reaching, that I can't quite believe I came up with it.
And then I remember. I didn't.
It's all thanks to Unity Consciousness. Meditation has helped me to bring forth these ideas, and if I can access them, so can you. I've never felt (or looked!) better in my life, and now, I'm tapping into some really super clever information as well and I know I'm not going to have to worry myself into a big ball of stress ever again. I'm trying to keep the science and spirituality separated at the moment, but only because I feel that's a better way for the time being. Over time I think I'll have to meld the two, and meditation will help me to formulate that as it becomes necessary. I have no idea when that might be, but I'll find out when the time's right.
All it takes is a little Quiet Time, and it's scientifically proven!
(I just went to find a list of celebrities who practice TM, and came across the name Steve Lukather... now I need to go and play Words with Friends and find out if my opponent is that Steve Lukather! How cool would that be if I could connect like this at the end of a connections blog!)
As always, I welcome your thoughts and comments :) <3
[Post script - I've asked my WWF (haha!) opponent if he's that Steve Lukather, but no reply as yet, I'll report back once I've discovered whether he's an interloper ;)]
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