"I've often been asked to explain why we have so little trust in ourselves. I don't really know the answer to that. I know that some fear is instinctual and healthy and keeps us alert to trouble. The rest...the part that holds us back from personal growth...is inappropriate and destructive and perhaps can be blamed on our conditioning." ~ Susan JeffersI'm meeting up with a whole load of old friends in a couple of weeks, and most of us haven't seen each other for 3 years or more. We're getting together for a memorial service for a very dear and very special friend of ours, and although it's for the very saddest of reasons and there's no doubt there'll be an awful lot of tears, but I can't help feeling that it's going to turn into one of the best nights of our lives.
3 years ago we lost another treasured member of our social circle. I remember that during the service we held for him I could literally feel my heart breaking, and I didn't know how I was going to get through the day. By the end of the night, I was grinning like an idiot, because I'd spent some real quality time with some of my favourite people in the whole wide world (including Yoda, maybe we should make that "the whole wide universe"!) and we'd all really made an effort with our Star Wars themed fancy dress outfits. In fact, I loved my outfit so much that I might well wear it again for this one, or update it somehow to make it appropriate for this particular friend!
I've been thinking about the bond between us a fair bit just lately, and in my opinion, the reason we're all friends is because of our banter and openness with each other. We've had such laughs over the years, we've made the most amazing memories together, we have photos of us having ridiculous amounts of fun, and we'll be friends forever, I just know it. We don't spend anywhere near as much time together as we used to, some of us don't speak for months or years on end, but I'll tell you one thing I know I can rely on for the rest of my days - my friends will always have my back, and I'll always have theirs. A couple of years ago one of our number went missing, and thanks to the joint efforts of so many people, I can very happily report that although our friend was found in a bit of a bad way, he's now doing so well it makes me want to cry with pride :) When there's a crisis, word gets around like wildfire and before you know it, everyone's there doing whatever they can to help.
It seems more than a couple of people are feeling "terrified" about us all being together again, and that's the fuel today's Thought Train is running on.
A few years ago I would have felt exactly the same, but today I'm just asking why we feel like that. The group of friends I've just mentioned above don't sound the least bit scary do they? Why would anyone feel terrified of spending time with them? The answer is, if they really thought about it, they wouldn't. I went to find an appropriate photo to put here, and discovered this song instead. It's perfect <3
Our problem isn't with those people, it's all in our own heads. We worry about what to wear, what people will think of the outfit, is it appropriate for the occasion? We worry about whether people will notice how much weight we've gained, or whether they'll even want to speak to us... Well, those are some of the worries I've entertained in the past anyway - I'm sure you can think of at least a handful of your own worries to add to that list - and before we know it, we're terrified of spending time with the very people who helped us to make some of our treasured memories and contributed to the stories of our lives.
When I began to look at it like that, I wondered how many other things I've talked myself out of because I was terrified - or even just too nervous to try something new. How many great jobs I might have had if I'd just sent in the application rather than deciding I wasn't good enough or didn't have enough experience - basically making the prospective employer's decision for them before they even knew I existed.
I went on holiday a couple of years ago to Spain. I'd had enough of the rubbish weather here that year so I booked a really great apartment because it was so reasonably priced for up to 8 people that I could afford it by myself for the week! As it turned out, the 8 dwindled slowly down until nobody else could make it due to financial difficulties of one kind or another. I agonised... I'm a single woman, and I love shared experiences (hey, stop laughing at the back, I'm not being smutty - for once!) and it was a really scary thing to go flying to another country and then spending a week by myself... I'm so glad I decided to go!! I had an amazing time, even though that holiday had just as wobbly a start as my America trip last May - and it was the success of that solo holiday to Spain that gave me the courage to travel to America alone in the first place.
A long time ago, my Mum told me about a book called "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway". I didn't ever get around to reading that particular one, but I do often remember the title when I'm nervous about doing something. I promise you, I haven't regretted "doing it anyway" once so far. Not once I've had time to think about it anyway!
So what are you afraid of? Because I promise you, it's only the fear of something that's holding you back. Have a think about it, maybe have a look at the website for Susan Jeffers' book, and let me know if you decide to "do it anyway". It's helped me hugely, and I didn't even read it! Now that's one powerful book!
Maybe it's time to see what we CAN do, instead of allowing our fears to paralyse us into doing nothing <3
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