A Song for You

I've had a real rollercoaster of a ride the last few months... My whole life actually, but particularly since 2012.  The highs have been getting higher but the lows have been so deep that they landed me in a psychiatric ward at one point last year.

Since then, I've gained a little bit more control over the rollercoaster... Hmm no, that's not quite accurate...  What's actually been happening is that I've been learning to go with the flow, because everyone knows that rollercoasters are much scarier when you're tense and expecting the worst!

My magical mystery shuffle on my iPhone is usually brilliant at giving me inspiration through music, but it's gone a bit awry over the time since October.  When I was in hospital in September and October I had over 1100 songs on there.  I had to delete quite a lot because I needed the memory space, so I eventually got down to about 350, and it's stayed around that number for a few months.  I have noticed that some songs disappear and others put in an unexpected reappearance sometimes - it's all very peculiar!

A few seconds before I sat down to write this, I pressed shuffle and With Love came on - I always love it when my first song of the day is from Guy <3  By the time I reached the other side of the room though, it stopped playing and the last words I heard were "pack your hacksaw, come bust me out".  I went over to see what had happened to stop it, and now I have a message on the screen saying "no content" - so ALL of my music has disappeared now!  I'll deal with that later though, for now I have something important to do...

I love Elbow, and I have since the first time I saw them at the Reebok Stadium when they supported Coldplay - that was the night the video for Fix You was recorded by the way.  I always take great delight in telling people excitedly that I'm in the video - and I don't even care that I'm only a dot; it's enough for me to know I had a part in it :)  

Since I got out of hospital, I've been doing everything I can to Fix Me, and I really feel like I'm getting there.  I live my life completely differently now - I've given up a great job, the company car and other accouterments that came with it (including the salary!) and now I wake up in the morning to see what the day will bring.  I have a lot of friends online, so I generally have a look at the groups I help to administrate on there and post a few replies.  Whilst replying to someone this morning, this happened:

Whilst replying to another post on here, I decided to start calling my "moments of heartbreak" something new. It occurred to me how quickly those heartbreaks pass these days. Where I once would have spent days or even months and years feeling sad and blue over somebody or situation, now I have a really good cry and it's all sunshine and roses again! 

These [days] I can be over the toughest of situations in a matter of hours or even minutes, and often I don't feel any pain at all because I know it's the other person's pain that's causing them to lash out.

Reacting to every situation with love and compassion means that I'm becoming less and less likely to feel the pain in the future. However, this story is too beautiful not to share.

A few weeks ago, I started to notice a lot of references to the Sumerians and their ancient texts. I did have a quick look into them, but nothing has jumped out at me. Until today.

I've decided to call those tearful times "Summer Rain" and it's only having read it back that I realised how much that sounds like "Sumerian".

I've just been told how to get through the tough times, and the message came from Sumerian times.

Every cloud has a silver lining. If you can't see it, it's only because you're looking at it from the wrong perspective.

The birds live happier lives because they can fly around the cloud and look at it from every angle.

You may well have been on an aeroplane, in which case you'll have seen the beautiful white fluffiness hiding above the dark grey or black we can see from below.

Have you ever seen the top of a black cloud?

Have you ever seen a black cloud from a high altitude?

This is our message.

When things seem black, rise above the situation. That's where you'll get the best view.

The black we see from below is a reflection of the darkness under the cloud when the sun is blocked out.

The cloud is not black, it just looks that way from underneath.

Be a bird. Fly through the dark cloud until you're high enough to see the white fluffiness that was hidden from your view whilst you were looking up from the darkness.

The sun is still shining. You just can't see it at the moment.

Rise above it.

This is how we transcend the darkness.

Rise above it.

This too shall pass 

So it turns out that Mr Guy Garvey was right all along, and The Birds really are The Keepers of Our Secrets.  I think that deserves a song, and so this is the one I've chosen to recommend.

Good afternoon Mister Garvey! <3  


With Love from Mrs Spider :)