I've been wanting to write about this subject for a while, and today is the perfect day as it's time to change and end mental health discrimination. Prince is also the perfect opener for this, as he's been accused of being crazy many times over the years, but I suspect he's in the same boat as me...
Up until last August, I'd never suffered from depression or any other kind of mental health issue. Then, events conspired to make it so that I was under so much pressure, from so many directions, that I crumbled and found myself being admitted to a mental health unit in September 2014. I was never a danger to myself or anyone else, so this is just my own personal story and isn't intended to give a complete overview of all forms of mental health issue. During my recovery I've had a lot of time to reflect and research into my "new way of thinking", which has caused so much upset in my personal life. The strange thing is, that I feel like a much improved version of my former self (and pretty much without exception, every new friend I've made thinks I'm ace - and they're absolutely right! Obviously!!), but every single relationship in my life has been affected by my breakdown and 3 week stay in hospital. I've lost some friends, other friends find it difficult to identify with me, and even family members have found it incredibly hard to deal with what's been going on with me. One of my earlier blogs talks at length about a movie called "I Am", which documents Tom Shadyac's mental health issues, and it was during the watching of that film that I discovered a phenomenon called "Wetiko". It's actually really difficult to find a proper definition of it online, but in the film it's described as a mental illness which causes a person to "devour another man's way of life" by way of a sort of spiritual cannibalism. It's a term used by Native Americans to describe the illness that the settlers were infected with, and it all makes a lot of sense to me. The Native Americans had a wonderful way of life and respected nature and treated the earth as a living organism that needed to be taken care of, and the Iroquois people in particular had a philosophy whereby they would consider the ramifications of their actions for seven future generations. Then along came the Europeans, and started killing the so-called savages and stealing their land. In the time since then, the Western way of life has spread across the entire globe. Villagers in Eastern and African countries have mobile phones, access to the internet, we've chopped down entire rainforests, uprooted indigenous people from their homes and made them live the way we do because "we know best". Now our entire planet is in danger thanks to the way we've been living; there are wars raging all over the place, and for any atrocity we hear about there are people baying for blood or even death, and thinking that's perfectly acceptable. When I started thinking about the planet, and all the wars, and the child abuse, and the injustice and everything else that's wrong with the world, I wanted to do something to help. I came up with an idea that could change things in my local area, and from that sprang ideas that could change the world. Then I got put into hospital because I was clearly insane*... Wait... what?? I want to help make the world a better place so there's something wrong with me? Somebody told me recently that what I went through (which I refer to as a nervous breakdown so that other people have some idea what I'm talking about) is seen as a good thing in many indigenous communities. It's celebrated when someone wakes up from their acceptance of the lies and violence, not punished. I've found an article written by Paul Levy and he refers to it as a "psycho-spiritual disease" but listening to a radio interview he's done, he pronounces it "diss ease" which makes far more sense than my usual understanding of "disease" which I'd see as a bad thing. Dis-ease is more of a discomfort, and yes, it was extremely uncomfortable, but not unbearable. Another thing covered in I Am, is the fact that we're all connected. In fact, many of my blogs cover this subject. We are all part of a collective consciousness, whether we like it or not. At the moment, a large part of that collective thinks it perfectly acceptable to fight violence with violence, and our own governments are more than happy to spend trillions on war whilst we have people dying in our own countries because they can't afford to live. I'm seen as being weird (and was diagnosed with mental illness) for taking time to meditate and for believing that we can change our world, and yet our governments are allowed to keep on neglecting the people they're supposed to be looking after, waging wars, killing innocent people, allowing their own soldiers to die for their country, ad infinitum... So who has the mental illness? The girl who wants to save the world, or the people who sit back and allow the world to be destroyed?
*OK, so I was actually put into hospital because I was manic and I'd sent some emails to a famous person in the hope they could help me, but you try explaining everything that's wrong with the world, and how to put it right, and all the things you've learnt in the past 40 years, all in one conversation with people who are already worried about your mental health and see if you can do it without talking fast and jumping about all over the place lol. I can do a better job of it now, but only because I put it in writing rather than trying to say it all in person.
Very short blog from me this time! Make the most of it, it's only because I'm already writing two others and have something else to get done today as well... I woke up this morning knowing I have quite a lot to do, and it was a bit stressful when I thought about it all. So I started off the day with a meditation and that calmed and centred me to get started. Now all the "preparation to write" has been done, and I've just been outside for a smoke (yes, I know I should stop, and I will, but today is not the day for that!) and yet again the sun has made my day! Look at how beautiful it is when it just peeps over the rooves of the houses behind mine... <3
I posted them on Facebook, with a comment of "Good Day Sunshine", and when I looked at my wall, the three photos had posted separately, all with the same comment... I was already thinking of this song, so imagine my delight when I went to find a link to post - I hadn't realised that the phrase was repeated 3 times on each chorus - and everyone knows that 3's a magic number ;)
This video was uploaded on the 3rd June 2010, which would have been my 15th wedding anniversary if we'd stayed married - but that wasn't the point of this video. The lyric "then we'd lie beneath the shady tree" reminded me of this poem I wrote about 10 years ago - you'll soon see why! <3
I really didn't know who it was about at the time, but I knew it wasn't for my then boyfriend... I saw every step of this poem, and I can still walk around inside it now. I hope you love it as much as I do <3
The One
I see you lying there in the sun, in the dappled shade of the tree I wonder how long you have been there, and whether you’re waiting for me Your eyes are closed, your breaths are deep I wonder if you are asleep I try so hard not to make any sound as up to your side I creep
I’ve loved you for such a long time, and I know you have no idea I can’t reveal my feelings for you, even though to me they are clear I watch as your chest rises with each intake of the fresh country air I see the summer breeze ripple, bending the branches and your soft hair
The smell of you enters my senses. I store it away in my brain So that every time I think of you, I can dream I am near you again I sit on the grass beside you, pretending you know I'm there My hand reaches over to stroke your face but I manage to stop in mid air
My heart beats a little bit faster, thinking how close I was to being caught But the need inside me grows stronger, and I wonder perhaps I ought To let it reach over and touch you, to wake you from your quiet dream To tell you the feelings inside me, to see if you run and scream
But you aren’t the one who is frightened, the fear is inside of my heart I am the one who sees sorrow and pain when I imagine life with us apart But why should we part when I love you? The answer is easy to see Because when I whisper those 3 words of love that is always what happens to me
So I sit there some more and in silence, wishing things could be different this time But knowing they surely cannot be after that long ago, hardly known crime How can I feel what’s inside me, when I have so much passion and love? Am I destined to hide from the love that I feel? When will MY angel come from above?
You stir and my heart stops beating, just for a second, but still I quietly stand and start walking up to the top of the hill I turn and look over my shoulder, feel the love once again swell inside But I quash it and carry on walking, wipe away the tear I want to hide
Nobody sees it but I know its there, all that passion and fire and love But I carry on walking and wonder again… When will my angel come from above?
(and just as I thought I'd finished this blog, I realised that this song was playing on BBC6Music from the very same album as the first Beatles song! Synchronicity again! <3 )
A couple of months ago, my little brother tagged me in a status on Facebook asking for a list of the ten albums in your music collection that had really had an impact on you. Twelve months ago, I might have struggled to get to ten albums - now my problem was how to whittle it down to only ten!! I'm just glad it was whole albums rather than individual songs, because then I really wouldn't have been able to answer, there are just too many. The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill was in my list though, and this song is particularly relevant...
"Develop a negative into a positive picture... Change it comes eventually"
As I've mentioned in previous blogs (what do you mean, you haven't read them? Get to it!! This will all make far more sense once you've seen the background) I've had a brush with mental health issues recently. Well, that's a bit of an understatement really, I had a nervous breakdown which resulted in a 3 week vacation in the local mental health ward in late September/early October. Don't go feeling all sorry for me though, because it turns out it was the best thing that could have happened, and it's resulted in my life being exactly what I always wanted it to be - happy!! When I was 17 <ahem> 18, I worked in a pub in Rochdale called Madison Square where there was a video jukebox and this was our favourite song. It will always be a connection between myself and two of my oldest (as in long-standing, they're not that old!) friends. It was only recently that I remembered the much beloved Robin Williams was in the video <3
While I was in the hospital I learnt a lot of coping mechanisms for dealing with day to day life. The stuff we take for granted when everything's going ok - excessive noise, aggressive behaviour, too much stress, people telling us their problems... We all handle these perfectly well, until we just... lose the ability to deal with them. The good news is, if any of this is applying to you, then you haven't actually lost the ability to deal with it, you've just temporarily misplaced it. Hopefully, my story will help you to find it - as my kids always say, if you can't find something, ask Mum to have a "Mum Look"!
The main thing that saved me during that crazy time, was my music. I listened to it all the time, with my headphones in, concentrating on the lyrics and making up imaginary videos in my head. Like the videos on MTV, but I got to direct them myself, and a lot of them involved me. They were great videos! Remember what I said in another post about daydreaming? This is daydreaming at it's finest! Having my headphones in, and eyes closed was a perfect way to cut myself off from the chaos that sometimes happened, and that meant I was far less likely to be adversely affected than if I'd been watching and hearing what was going on.
When I was in a particularly bad way, like the time it kicked off in the canteen and there was a lot of shouting (which I obviously ended up in as well, I never could keep my mouth shut if someone was getting on my last nerve!) I'd plug in my headphones and pump up the volume (yes I can say that, I was clubbing in the 80s!) That particular day I took my plate off to my room and it was a "full volume" episode. It turned out I couldn't eat, so I stood at my window and sang at the top of my voice (getting the aggression and anger out), beat my fists on the windowsill as though it was a drum kit, (thanks Dad for always drumming on the steering wheel, I learnt that from you!), and stamping my feet in a marching fashion.
I don't remember what the first song in that day's shuffle was, but I do remember I Am the Resurrection
"Down, down, you bring me down,
I hear you knocking down my door and I can't sleep at night.
Your face it has no place, no room for you inside my house I need to be alone.
Don't waste your words I don't need anything from you.
I don't care where you've been or what you plan to do...."
There couldn't have been more perfect lyrics for that situation! There was also a separate incident where that song arrived at exactly the moment another patient was loudly proclaiming to anyone who'd listen, that he was indeed "our lord Jesus Christ" - and I'm not even joking!! That was followed by the Arctic Monkeys, who are always good for an aggressive shouty sing along. Perfect timing on my shuffle's part again - seems that I don't even need to ask Kev to send me a decent shuffle any more, he's just carried on sending exactly the right song at exactly the right time, every time! (If you don't yet know the story of Kev then you'll more than likely stumble across it some time soon if you decide to stick around!)
There were other times when I was feeling particularly lost or sad, and I'd put my shuffle on and there'd be something like The Stops by Elbow
"I can't undo the day
It won't go, won't go under the rug
I pull all the stops
And you, you pull the plug...
(Don't look down)Keep staring like you've never seen the stars
(Don't look down)If you need me to remind you who you are"
We had some really clear nights during my stay in hospital, and when they took us out to smoke at night I'd always look up. It was a way to stay connected to the outside world, even while I was feeling as though I was completely alone while I was going through what really felt like hell some days. Thank you to all the artists who helped pull me through that stage of my life!! I saw a video a while ago, and it really got me thinking. Have a look and then I'll let you have a wander around my mind and share my thoughts with you.
Doesn't that blow your mind a little bit? Realising just how tiny we are in the Universe?
A few years ago - actually, quite a long time ago now I come to think of it! - I watched Men in Black with my ex and my eldest daughter. That pendant on Orion's collar has popped into my head quite a few times over the years, and it's often struck me that when you zoom out like that, we're not even visible. At the same time, scientists are working on atoms and protons and whatever other tiny things they can find, but can only look at through super duper microscopes.
So when I thought about it, I started to realise that there was a mini universe inside me. That's a bit of an unsettling thought at first, imagining a whole colony of bacteria who could be living their lives thinking that they're in charge of themselves, going around day to day like we do, with no thought that something else might be depending on us to keep it healthy.
Those bacteria in our guts probably think they're doing a brilliant job every day, and then one day, one of them starts slacking. A couple of the others notice old lazy bones getting away with skiving off, and they decide to skive off too. Before you know it, most of the workforce is sitting in the canteen reading their newspapers, and you're in the bathroom wondering what the heck you've eaten to make you so ill!!
A few months ago, I came across the Resonance Project and Nassim Haramein, and in particular, this film they're making called The Connected Universe. That link will take you to their Indigogo page, please do have a look at it, and in particular the video. I don't have the spare funds at the moment to contribute any further, but I hope you'll agree that it looks like a real groundbreaking piece of filmography.
That film, along with the Tom Shadyac film, I Am, (what do you mean you haven't seen it yet?? How do you expect to keep up with the class if you don't do your homework? Haha!! I promise it's not the usual boring homework that you'll wish your dog would eat, it's a really great film that will change your life. Not exactly on a par with learning about the Industrial Revolution from a boring text book is it? Now go, shoo, watch the film and then come back) gives so much scientific credence to what I've been trying to get my head around and explain just lately, that it just can't be denied now. Everything is connected. Everything, is everything!
In I Am, Tom Shadyac is in the same room as a petrie dish full of yoghurt. He's not connected to it in any physical way, and there are electrodes in the yoghurt leading to some sort of electrical meter. When Tom mentions calling his lawyer, the meter shoots over to the end! It's connected to yoghurt. Everything is connected. There's a lot of science in there about the heart as well, and we've been wrong for a very long time in thinking that our brains are where the information is processed. The brain actually receives many times more signals from the body than it sends to the body. Our brains don't control us after all. Our hearts do - and there's scientific evidence. I found this clip on YouTube, it's incredible!
Another thing they talk about is human DNA. Let's go back to that zoom in/zoom out concept. At the moment, there's a lot of racism around, complaints about "bloody foreigners coming in and stealing our jobs and blocking up the M4", lots of talk about the police and the situation with black men in particular in America, all the anti-Muslim propaganda that's going around... the list goes on and on, whether it be racism, religious hatred, whatever. People are so busy seeing the differences between themselves and others, that they're completely oblivious to the fact that we all have the same type of DNA. On a cellular level, we're all made from exactly the same ingredients. OK, so your chicken tikka masala might look a bit different from mine, and it might even taste a bit different, but we both used the same ingredients to make each of our dishes.
This is exactly the same with humans. The film goes into far more detail, but honestly, everything is connected. There's just no denying it any longer. Just a few hundred years ago, science was sure that the earth was flat... This new leap in science tells us that we're actually living in an illusion of our own making. Every one of us has the power to close down the matrix and switch off the illusion, but until we all realise our own power, we can't realise the new reality.
I'm fully aware of how crazy that sounds. Trust me, I've been living with this information for a while now, but finally I've found the science to back me up. Whenever I've tried to explain it before, I've floundered when faced with "common sense" and logic. It's really hard to explain my way of thinking when
I'm so far outside of the box that people can't quite see me properly. Now science has come to my rescue, and for that, I'm very grateful!!
In fact, I've spent so long ruminating about this that I can bring it back to every day life now. This morning, someone posted a link on Facebook to Russell Brand interviewing a Quantum Physicist called John Hagelin, and a friend of mine commented saying she owed Mr Brand an apology for her previous opinion against him. This video was recorded in 2011, and obviously @rustyrockets has evolved quite a bit since then, and yet he takes more flack now than he ever has before.
It's all about perceptions.
I can also think of another public figure who has a pretty bad reputation, and that Facebook conversation prompted me back to this half-written and as yet unpublished blog that I started writing on New Years Day 2015 (this one I mean, I haven't forgotten to add a link, I mean the one you're currently reading!)..
In 2012, my then 16 year old daughter was one of 13 finalists chosen from over 3,000 inspirational teenagers in the BBC Teen Hero Awards, and those 13 were in line for one of 3 awards. You can read more of the story in this blog about I Am, but I wanted to give a little more insight into the Justin Bieber aspect of it. He's been in the headlines more and more over the last couple of years, but the tale behind this performance shows a side to him that doesn't generally hit the media.
In previous years, Bieber has performed live at the Teen Hero Awards ceremony, but prior commitments meant he was unable to attend the Wembley Arena in October. Apparently, he was gutted not to be able to be there, because he knows how amazing these teenagers are and he wanted to do something to show his appreciation, so he arranged to be at Maida Vale studios for the them in September instead. The BBC arranged transport, and my Em was able to attend a private concert with one of the biggest young stars in today's pop culture. He felt it was important to meet them because each of them had done some truly amazing things in order to get them to the stage of finalist. Unfortunately I'm struggling to find any of the winners' stories, but maybe something will turn up at a later date - 2012 BBC Teen Hero Awards
Now, I know he's made some mistakes, he's always ridiculously late for concerts, and that day in Maida Vale was no different, but can we all just take a step back and remember how young he is please? How did you behave at his age? Did you work so many hours that when you had time to let your hair down with friends you might have got a bit carried away and been late for work once in a while?
I'm not excusing his behaviour entirely - I genuinely believe that when you're performing for a few thousand school children you should make sure you start and finish on time because chances are they've travelled a really long way to see you and need to be up early in the morning. Similarly, if you've smoked a load of pot, then you shouldn't be driving, and when you're such an influential figure in so many young lives, you should be thinking more about the message you're sending out.... but let's get back to reality here.
Justin Bieber isn't even 21 yet. He was 18 when this video was made, and 16 when his first album was released. He's still a kid. Can we just think back to some of the utterly stupid things we did at those ages - and then be grateful that we didn't have the world's media watching our every move. It works for me, I did some really stupid (and many absolutely hilarious!) things in those years, and making mistakes is all part of the learning curve.
This song, performed on that day, is beautiful. Take away all the awful post-production sound effects, and the boy really can sing, and this acoustic version is stunning in my humble opinion. I believe he writes his own lyrics as well, but I'm sure if I'm wrong someone will be along shortly to let me know about it! Em's in the video, as is another young finalist Jessica Robson, who sadly lost her battle against cancer in 2014 - but her determination lives on and I know that a lot of money has been raised in her memory.
There were some truly inspirational teenagers in the Maida Vale studios that day, and in my opinion, the teenager who was discovered on YouTube after uploading videos of himself singing, is one of them.
That Facebook conversation, and the stories behind it, have made me wonder how many other people are being unfairly judged because of one aspect of their character. I ended up getting quite carried away, so rather than writing at length about them I've decided to start a list of sorts. I'd love to know if you've discovered something about someone recently that's changed your opinion of them!
Mel Gibson has done many more things than shouting anti semitic abuse at someone. Why is that the first thing that springs to mind when his name is mentioned now?
Russell Brand is being a bit loud and shouty for lots of really good reasons. Have you listened to what he's actually saying, or have you switched off because "he gets on your nerves"? Or are you still judging him as a drug addict, even though he's been clean for 10 years or more?
Jodi Marsh was badly bullied at school, leaving her with low self esteem that she attempted to bolster by having extensive plastic surgery and breast implants. She's now a very vocal and successful campaigner for anti-bullying and works closely with the Diana.org in training children to become Anti Bullying Ambassadors. Are you still judging her for her tattoos/bodybuilding/glamour modelling/Celebrity Big Brother?
Clint Eastwood - this one's personal to me. I have no idea why he's always made my top lip curl as though someone stuck sour milk under Elvis's nose, but he does. A few years ago we went to Eurodisney and had booked "allocation on arrival" accommodation. Imagine my horror when we ended up in the Wild Wild West hotel, complete with a HUGE billboard with a HUGE picture of his face on it. Ugh! However, I've found out today that he's a big fan of Transcendental Meditation, so now I'm going to try harder to get rid of my unreasonable preconceptions about him.
I've been practicing TM on and off for just over a month now, and it's everything it's purported to be and more. Watching the full version of the David Lynch Foundation event that Russell Brand took part in has just reinforced all the positive thoughts I already had about it.
The evidence from schools in Los Angeles about the difference 20 minutes "Quiet Time" has made, is truly amazing. Huge decreases in student violence, suspensions, truancy, and incredible advances made in overall success and qualifications, as well as a marked increase in the number of pupils going on to further education - and not only that, but a good number of those going to some of the best schools around, some on full 4 year scholarships. Not bad from a school with a previous track record of being the worst in the county! If you're interested in the effect meditation has had in the educational system, there's a 7 minute clip here:
David Lynch (yes, he of Twin Peaks fame) quotes Maharishi Mahesh Yogi as saying "Water the root and enjoy the fruit". This is a perfect analogy for meditation. Go right into the root of your being, your soul. It connects us to Unity Consciousness, and that's where the knowledge of the whole universe resides.
This time last year I had just become a Grandma (well actually, it's Meemaw, and he's my little Moonpie!), I had just been promoted from Receptionist and Sales Administrator to the Northern area sales rep for the company I'd been employed by for 7 years, and I had no outstanding educational qualifications.
Today, I'm still a Meemaw, and I no longer work for anybody except myself. I spend my time writing, meditating, volunteering, and having fun with my family and friends. I'm happier than I've been in my entire life, even though things aren't absolutely perfect (yet!), and one of my pet subjects is Quantum Theory.... How on earth did I get to here in a year?? Well, to paraphrase the late great Roy Castle;
"Meditation. Meditation. Meditation, that's all you need"
I don't necessarily want to be the best, or beat the rest, but meditation is all I need. It's allowed me to let go of the things that don't serve me (such as worries over things I cannot control, and old thinking patterns that were standing in my way), and to tap into the creativity that I'd forgotten I even possessed. I've spent years lamenting the fact that "I'm not creative in the slightest", and now here I am with my own blog that I'm adding to regularly (I've never been one for keeping a diary) and not only that, but I have such huge plans for it that I'm going to need a bigger boat... erm... I mean I'm going to need a website! So, if any reader can get their head around this idea, and has the know-how to build a website with the capability to handle what I'm asking for, I'd really love to hear from you! There's no money in it for you as yet, but I can see huge things for this... let me know if you agree!!
I've started writing my book this week. It's not the book I thought I'd write first, but it's actually much better than that plan! It's going to be the cornerstone for this blog, and the whole package is going to be my very own Quantum Experiment. Just a warning, I have no idea whether I can even explain this on here without giving TOO much away, but I'm about to try, starting..... now!
There will be no Index page on the website, just a "Lucky Dip".
New readers will be directed to one of my blog pages, completely at random.
Most of those blogs have several links to other blogs within the body of the writing, and the reader can decide which of those links to follow (if any!)
Some of the links within the blogs will take you to external sites.
It'll be an ever expanding rabbit warren that will link to other sites and blogs that are relevant to the subject at hand.
I'll blog about my local community and encourage readers to reply with similar stories in their own area, thereby creating a home for community inspiration so that we can all begin the process of reconnecting.
The website will build into a bigger and bigger rabbit warren, in which it's possible to get completely lost for days at a time (consider this fair warning!)
The book will be the first quantum book of it's kind (to my current knowledge!) and my aim is for it to become far more than just an outlet for Opinionated Me.
I'd really like to call it Enigma 2.0, because it's going to help you to crack codes and find your way around the website. It'll be a book of clues, which can be used to build your own personal treasure map... This is a huge idea, but the working title for now at least, is "MY YOUR LITTLE BOOK OF LOVE"
The Quantum Experiment part of it is that I believe the reader will be guided around the blog entries in a way that will make the story flow perfectly for them, or at least impart information and opinion just as it's needed or desired. I believe that occasional readers will be able to dip in and out, and always find something that's relevant to them at the time they find it.
And I'll be relying on feedback from you, my Dear Readers(and Dear Friends!) to let me know whether this is actually the case. I'm incredibly excited about this, and I have no idea whether this short list even conveys just how huge it could become - or even how good an idea it is! I'd also request that if you click on any links and find them helpful, that you leave a comment on their site letting them know how you found them. I like the "pay it forward" movement, and this is my way of providing free advertisement for the things I believe in. If we all did that, nobody would need to pay for advertising ever again if they were offering value for money. Obviously it works back for my site as well, because it might bring in a new reader... everybody wins!
For someone who gets so hyper about good ideas, I also somehow manage to totally understate things sometimes, and I suspect this is one of those times. As Ms Lauryn Hill said in Final Hour, "I treat this like my thesis" (not to mention, "You can get the money, you can get the power"), and it's going to take me quite some time to get everything written down. However, I'm going to leave it like this, and feel a little bit smug because I've told you only a tiny bit of what I actually have planned. This plan is so incredibly detailed and far reaching, that I can't quite believe I came up with it.
And then I remember. I didn't.
It's all thanks to Unity Consciousness. Meditation has helped me to bring forth these ideas, and if I can access them, so can you. I've never felt (or looked!) better in my life, and now, I'm tapping into some really super clever information as well and I know I'm not going to have to worry myself into a big ball of stress ever again. I'm trying to keep the science and spirituality separated at the moment, but only because I feel that's a better way for the time being. Over time I think I'll have to meld the two, and meditation will help me to formulate that as it becomes necessary. I have no idea when that might be, but I'll find out when the time's right.
(I just went to find a list of celebrities who practice TM, and came across the name Steve Lukather... now I need to go and play Words with Friends and find out if my opponent is that Steve Lukather! How cool would that be if I could connect like this at the end of a connections blog!)
As always, I welcome your thoughts and comments :) <3
[Post script - I've asked my WWF (haha!) opponent if he's that Steve Lukather, but no reply as yet, I'll report back once I've discovered whether he's an interloper ;)]
I promise this will be a review of the two bands I saw in Manchester on Saturday 17th January 2015, but I'm an interminable chatterbox (and chronic over-sharer!) so before we get there I want to tell you the story of how I happened to be at The Roadhouse at all.
Back in September, the weekend before I ended up in hospital I went to the Ramsbottom Festival on Saturday the 20th. I went with a really good friend of mine who I'd not seen in ages, and a friend of his. The night before, my sister gave us some fantastic inspiration and we decided to travel up to Ramsbottom on the steam train. It was awesome!! I still have my little clipped train ticket, and I was almost as excited as the boys were about the journey. It turns out that Dibdob had never been on a steam train before - how the heck did he get that old without going on a steam train. More to the point, how did he go on holiday when he was a kid and that was the only available transport?? *runs*
His friend showed us a photo on his phone, of the front page of the Manchester Evening News from years ago, and it was a photo of him as a child with his dad on the platform as the last steam train left (Salford?) Station for the last time. His dad passed a while ago, so it was quite emotional as well, but our excitement was palpable. We were like little kids on the train, bouncing on the fully sprung seats (in a responsible manner, we're not hoodlums y'know!) and asking loads of questions of the other more experienced passengers (aka trainspotters - they're fascinating people when you speak to them!) and the guard. We stayed in Ramsbottom Station for ages after we'd got off, and watched them fill up with water before they set off again. It was great, and I felt like Jenny Agutter when she was in the Railway Children (another film I loved as a child!) The perfect start to what turned into a perfect day.
The weather was beautiful, there was something for everyone, children were having real life fun away from their computer and TV screens, and I even managed to kick most of them out of the way so that I could have my face painted! It was a brilliant temporary tattoo, and I also had a glitter unicorn on my forearm at the same time. "If you're careful with it, that might last about 3-5 days" the artist said... Well, it must have been a magical unicorn, because it stayed with me for a full 2 weeks of my vacation to the funny farm (no offence is intended by this phrase, I'm allowed to say it, I was in there!) and I loved that unicorn!
On my meanderings around the cricket club and field, I'd spotted a few interesting looking characters and made a point of saying hello to all of the people that caught my eye. Some just nodded and carried on walking, and others engaged a bit more. The guy with the tuxedo was one of my favourites of the day, because when he turned around the back of his suit was all cut out - and not only did he have a great sense of humour, he also had a rather nice (if very cold!) bum! I must also mention a guy called ChrisTandy, who we caught in the club bar as he sang the most beautiful cover of The Whole of the Moon, and I'm not ashamed to say that I cried a bit. Stunning!!
One particular group of people had really caught my eye though, so when I saw them sitting at a table as I walked by, I went over and asked if they'd mind if I took their photo because they all looked so cool. They were more than happy to pose for me, and then they invited me to sit with them and have my photo taken too! They were all so lovely and friendly and we had a fun chat for 15 minutes or so, and the only low points were finding out that Liam wasn't called Johnny after all, and that Arjun doesn't mean "the other one".
It wasn't until the next day that I discovered they weren't just dressed up for the day, they were one of the bands! I felt a bit foolish, but hey, how was I supposed to know?
Fast forward to Tuesday of last week. I'd arranged to meet a couple of friends in Manchester for drinks, but for one reason and another they'd not been able to make it. You might not remember, or even live near here, but it was really cold, windy and rainy on Tuesday night (and it snowed later on) so I decided to go into the pub anyway for a quick one before I went home.
Just as I'd ordered my drink and was feeling quite awkward and wondering where to sit (whilst trying not to think about what anyone else might think of me being there alone!) a door opened, and in walks Arjun!! Now, if you haven't met the band then let me tell you, you're in for a real treat! That first meeting was great, but when he was still so lovely after I'd grabbed him in a big bear hug saying ""Oh wow! I can't believe you're here! It's so good to see you!", quickly followed by "You have no idea who I am, do you?" and his admission that he had no clue... well, he's just lovely.
Once I'd reminded him about the festival, he invited me to sit down and introduced me again to Charly (who's name I have promised never to forget again, but now I keep thinking of Tintin - no, not Tintin himself...)
Captain Haddock!!
Arjun also pointed out that it was Johnny Liam that had served me when I arrived but I'd not realised while I was all preoccupied with worries about being alone! I also met Tom and Paul (I think! My apologies if I've messed the names up in here, just let me know and I'll make any necessary corrections) from Louie Louie, along with their beautiful lead singer Rita. Oh Lovely Rita, I'm so glad you're not a meter maid!
When I met her for the first time, I was left with the impression of a beautiful young lady, full of life, and even more chatty than me - and that's saying something!! Her accent is to die for, and she's a lot of fun. She's small and slight, and in all honesty I expected a sweet little songbird to appear on stage at the Roadhouse. Oh how wrong I was! When I got the invite telling me the gig was at The Roadhouse, I immediately thought of the Patrick Swayze film (which I haven't seen) and for some reason I then had excited visions of it being something like Coyote Ugly. Luckily I hadn't got too worked up at the prospect of dancing on the bar because I'd have ended up with a really bad back as well as a sore head! It was my first time at an "underground music venue" and now I just feel that I have a lot of catching up to do!
I missed the start of the night, so I'm afraid I cant tell you anything about Frank's Wild Years, but maybe I'll tell you about my own wild years one day... I very nearly also missed the start of Louie Louie's set (too busy smoking and chatting outside!) but I when I stood before the stage and watched them making their final preparations I was looking forward to something a bit different. Rita is utterly transformed with a guitar in her hand, and let me tell you, that girl is no girl on the stage. She's all woman, and she absolutely smoulders with sex appeal! She was born to be in the limelight, and I genuinely feel privileged to have been there for one of the band's early performances! Her voice is incredible, and the whole band gel together really well. One of the songs has a bit of a drum solo (I didn't get a set list, but hopefully that will be rectified and I'll go into a bit more detail) and Paul did an amazing job of it. I'm afraid I'm a bit confused as to the boys' names at the moment but I'll sort that out as well if needed. I know one of them looks like my friend's son anyway, but I was trying really hard not to be the token oldie so I kept my mouth shut about that one! Louie Louie are not what I expected, but I was genuinely impressed with their whole gig. Their closing song, Lighthouse, is so fantastic I've had to go and find it so I can put it in here. Listen to Louie Louie's Lighthouse There's another song on the Sound Cloud too, which I personally prefer, but they totally rocked Lighthouse - and the Roadhouse! - when they performed it live. Loved them!! <3 So then there was a break where I had time to chat to more people and smoke some more while the Gorilla Riot boys were getting ready to create their own brand of mayhem, and again, I had no idea what to expect. I'd met Arjun twice at this point, and he's also slight... I don't know why I assume that very slim, almost elfin people might have tiny voices but I clearly need to stop with the assumptions! (Well, there you go, I went to find a suitable pic to insert about assuming nothing and came up with this!)
I'm pretty good on the rest, and now I'll be
working harder on the "assume nothing" part!
Now to Gorilla Riot... Oh!! Someone told me while we were chatting outside that I wouldn't believe that voice could come from little Arjun, but I was in no way prepared for this. They are nothing short of fantastic. You might not put them together if you saw all their different styles (Arjun is pretty unique, I have no general umbrella term for him but maybe that's because I'm old. James and Johnny Liam are a bit sexy-grungy, Charly looks and dresses like Captain Haddock, Jordan was in a 3 piece suit) but honestly, they work together perfectly!
I'm not sure whether it's possible to channel someone while they're still alive, but Arjun seemed to be channeling Axl Rose, Joe Cocker and a few other gravel throated legends on Saturday night! The whole set was amazing, from Kerosene Clown right to the gorgeous Morning Sun, and then we were treated to an extra two songs as well! I particularly love Morning Sun; the acoustic version is beautiful, and you'll be able to hear the incredible voice that Arjun manages to hide somewhere about his person without giving any indication it even exists! https://soundcloud.com/gorilla-riot
All in all I had an brilliant night, and their rendition of Dirty to finish was awesome. The whole place was rocking and I had an amazing time, and it appeared that everyone else there had as well!
I'm so grateful to have been invited, and really glad I can give something of myself back in return. I honestly can't wait to see how they progress, because what I've seen so far of both Gorilla Riot and Louie Louie tells me that they're set for huge things. I may not be a seasoned music critic, but I know a great night when I've enjoyed one!!
Here's a big question for a Monday morning! And it's one with an unending list of possible answers. There's those Quantum Possibilities again!
"I've often been asked to explain why we have so little trust in ourselves. I don't really know the answer to that. I know that some fear is instinctual and healthy and keeps us alert to trouble. The rest...the part that holds us back from personal growth...is inappropriate and destructive and perhaps can be blamed on our conditioning." ~ Susan Jeffers
I'm meeting up with a whole load of old friends in a couple of weeks, and most of us haven't seen each other for 3 years or more. We're getting together for a memorial service for a very dear and very special friend of ours, and although it's for the very saddest of reasons and there's no doubt there'll be an awful lot of tears, but I can't help feeling that it's going to turn into one of the best nights of our lives. 3 years ago we lost another treasured member of our social circle. I remember that during the service we held for him I could literally feel my heart breaking, and I didn't know how I was going to get through the day. By the end of the night, I was grinning like an idiot, because I'd spent some real quality time with some of my favourite people in the whole wide world (including Yoda, maybe we should make that "the whole wide universe"!) and we'd all really made an effort with our Star Wars themed fancy dress outfits. In fact, I loved my outfit so much that I might well wear it again for this one, or update it somehow to make it appropriate for this particular friend! I've been thinking about the bond between us a fair bit just lately, and in my opinion, the reason we're all friends is because of our banter and openness with each other. We've had such laughs over the years, we've made the most amazing memories together, we have photos of us having ridiculous amounts of fun, and we'll be friends forever, I just know it. We don't spend anywhere near as much time together as we used to, some of us don't speak for months or years on end, but I'll tell you one thing I know I can rely on for the rest of my days - my friends will always have my back, and I'll always have theirs. A couple of years ago one of our number went missing, and thanks to the joint efforts of so many people, I can very happily report that although our friend was found in a bit of a bad way, he's now doing so well it makes me want to cry with pride :) When there's a crisis, word gets around like wildfire and before you know it, everyone's there doing whatever they can to help. It seems more than a couple of people are feeling "terrified" about us all being together again, and that's the fuel today's Thought Train is running on. A few years ago I would have felt exactly the same, but today I'm just asking why we feel like that. The group of friends I've just mentioned above don't sound the least bit scary do they? Why would anyone feel terrified of spending time with them? The answer is, if they really thought about it, they wouldn't. I went to find an appropriate photo to put here, and discovered this song instead. It's perfect <3
Our problem isn't with those people, it's all in our own heads. We worry about what to wear, what people will think of the outfit, is it appropriate for the occasion? We worry about whether people will notice how much weight we've gained, or whether they'll even want to speak to us... Well, those are some of the worries I've entertained in the past anyway - I'm sure you can think of at least a handful of your own worries to add to that list - and before we know it, we're terrified of spending time with the very people who helped us to make some of our treasured memories and contributed to the stories of our lives. When I began to look at it like that, I wondered how many other things I've talked myself out of because I was terrified - or even just too nervous to try something new. How many great jobs I might have had if I'd just sent in the application rather than deciding I wasn't good enough or didn't have enough experience - basically making the prospective employer's decision for them before they even knew I existed. I went on holiday a couple of years ago to Spain. I'd had enough of the rubbish weather here that year so I booked a really great apartment because it was so reasonably priced for up to 8 people that I could afford it by myself for the week! As it turned out, the 8 dwindled slowly down until nobody else could make it due to financial difficulties of one kind or another. I agonised... I'm a single woman, and I love shared experiences (hey, stop laughing at the back, I'm not being smutty - for once!) and it was a really scary thing to go flying to another country and then spending a week by myself... I'm so glad I decided to go!! I had an amazing time, even though that holiday had just as wobbly a start as my America trip last May - and it was the success of that solo holiday to Spain that gave me the courage to travel to America alone in the first place. A long time ago, my Mum told me about a book called "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway". I didn't ever get around to reading that particular one, but I do often remember the title when I'm nervous about doing something. I promise you, I haven't regretted "doing it anyway" once so far. Not once I've had time to think about it anyway! So what are you afraid of? Because I promise you, it's only the fear of something that's holding you back. Have a think about it, maybe have a look at the website for Susan Jeffers' book, and let me know if you decide to "do it anyway". It's helped me hugely, and I didn't even read it! Now that's one powerful book!
Maybe it's time to see what we CAN do, instead of allowing our fears to paralyse us into doing nothing <3
